‘Accidentally huh?’ Freud might disagree. But anyway, now she knows… and you know what she’s going to do? She’s going to Google it… and you know what she’ll find in the first result when she does that?
This blog.
You didn’t think this through, did you… Panicking yet? Don’t worry.
I’ll talk to your mom for you.
Hi there reader’s mom, apologies if it’s been a shock discovering your daughter is a bit ‘kinky’ but heck mom, you probably were too at her age. She’s your daughter, after all.
And actually this is the single best kink (that just means different things that people find arouse them) that she could get into. Why? This one is all about learning self control, which we both know is one of the most important disciplines we can ever have if we want to be successful in life (just read my post about the Marshmallow Test below).
What’s more, she’s being proactive, learning about her body, what she likes, and that will give her so much more confidence and NOT be so likely to be chasing after guys to build her own self-esteem or just to figure out how things work. This is all good.
I know, it would be wonderful if we could just keep our daughters wrapped in cotton wool and protected from everything out there, I truly know, I have one too. But that’s not how it works, is it? All we can do is love them and and help them to be prepared for handling it themselves, and ideally, let them know they can talk to us if they need to.
So what should you do now? You’re probably quite shocked still, and that’s completely normal. But really, however awkward it feels, you should offer to talk to her. It’s ONLY sex, You may want to read more of this blog. If you’re pretty ‘sex positive’ you’ll probably like much of it, if you haven’t ever even looked at porn then, you may want to hold off that. But do try to have an open mind. I’m sure you remember how you felt at her age, curious about sex and your body and everything else. It’s a confusing time. She’s found a very sex positive outlet for her to explore and learn, and that self-control aspect is absolutely fundamental to this whole area of ‘denial’.
If you read anything let me encourage you to try this: http://goo.gl/iQMmtb a testimonial from someone a similar age as your daughter, about how positive it’s been for her.
If you’re struggling with what to say,well if you DID read the blog and liked some of it, there’s no more amazing thing you could open with than, ‘Hey, I read that blog I saw on your computer… some of that was kind of hot.’ However, even if you can’t say that, try something like this:
You know honey, I love you, and I saw that blog on your computer and I know there are lots of far worse things you could be into at your age. While neither of us really want to talk about this with each other much, I do want you to know if you have any questions about sex, I’d love you to feel you can talk to me – I was your age once too you know.
Then give her a hug, tell her you love her again and I’m sure she’ll respond in kind. Don’t try and dig for detail, you don’t want to know, she doesn’t want to tell you. If she wants to share anything, or most importantly ask you questions, she knows she can now, and that’s a big result.
And, well it’s Christmas next week, how about you turn into ‘Super mom’ and give your daughter some money to buy a vibrator or some other toys or offer to let her use your card to get them online (they’re much cheaper and better quality from stores like Lovehoney). Oh and if she doesn’t have a lock on her door maybe you can give her that extra level of privacy too, she’s a big girl now. Seriously, those simple things will have her future friends talking about you in hallowed whispers, ‘I wish my mom was like that, you’re so lucky’.
And here’s my little message to you, mom. The orgasm denial stuff, maybe you found it a bit sexy yourself. It’s not just for the young ones you know. You want to put a spark back into your love life? Getting yourself horny is a great start. Want more attention from your fella? Guys can be denied too, and it can honestly transform relationships (check out http://keephimcaged.tumblr.com/) for example (but remember these are blogs so the first posts are right at the bottom).
And if you want to ask me any questions, create an account on Tumblr and you’ll find you can message me – I’d love to help if I can.
Now just remember your daughter has definitely read this, and is now anxiously waiting for you to talk to her, so, don’t leave her on tenterhooks for too long. Thank you.
PS If you don’t have a vibrator, seriously, invest in a good one like these and then watch your daughter spit her food across the table one day when you casually drop in the phrase, ‘That could really get your Rocks Off’ at dinner just to let her know mum isn’t dead from the neck down either.