Interestingly I have got asked this a lot this week. Although five of the asks were exactly the same wording so either they were getting annoyed that I don’t answer asks in seconds or they have a dodgy keyboard…

Anyway, it’s a fair question. I’m not really involved in the wider scene much nowadays but I haven’t seen much of a bad rep for ‘chubsubs’ (a term I’ve personally never heard), however obviously within wider Western society there’s a general negativity about obesity which will carry across into subcultures such as kinksters.

I think whether it’s BDSM or just vanilla your experience will vary. Some guys dig curves, others don’t. There’s 3 billion men out there, a LOT of them are into you, exactly as you are.

We live in an era, and most of us, countries, where being slim is equated with beauty. Of course that’s not always the case, various African and Polynesian countries see bigger as more attractive – and as you can tell from Baroque paintings, being ‘Reubenesque’ was quite the thing in days gone by. But for us being slim, even skinny is idolised. 

I think I’d sum up my own position as chubbiness is fine, laziness is not. So it’s not really about how you look, it’s about attitude. If someone is fat because they eat badly and don’t do any exercise it’s a big turn off. If they are big despite doing the right things and it’s just how they are then it’s ridiculous to say that’s a bad thing.

The biggest challenge, whether you’re fat or thin, is to love yourself, and that’s a big fucking ask for some of you, maybe most of you. It’s especially hard if you’re not fitting into the crazy idealised body shape, size zero supermodel, thigh gap bullshit that is thrown at you everywhere from YouTube to the clothes store changing rooms. And Tumblr is NO exception, no sirree. I follow hundreds of blogs and almost all the photos are of way less than average body size.

Can orgasm denial help with weight loss?

Yes, but I think you need a basic level of self control in the first place. I’ve seen very mixed results with it. For some it’s been no different from any other attempts to lose weight. They try for a week or two but then give up. However, for others it’s been that extra positive motivation which they’ve needed, and setting rewards for targets being met (for example a ruined orgasm every x pounds and only being allowed to cum when they hit their target weight) has been effective, and hot! 

It probably won’t catch on as the new fad diet though.

On a more practical level being horny can really reduce your appetite. No more post orgasm munchies! Plus for some it’s worked to edge instead of giving into a food craving. 

More fundamentally I think that orgasm denial can help you realise or develop more self control and discipline, and that can then lead to more positive results in other facets of your life.

No matter what your weight, the single sexiest thing you can do is love yourself. Out of that comes confidence, positivity and a natural sexual energy.

So work on loving yourself first, try to cut out the ‘if only I was…’ and anyone or everything that makes you think that way. You are amazing, just the way you are, and anyone who doesn’t think so can just fuck off.

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