Hi anon.

There is a very fine line between a dom and and asshole, as I’ve said before, so your concerns are perfectly valid. There are a lot of assholes out there and a lot of guys very good at getting into your head and taking advantage of you, no matter how smart you are.

There are very few genuine, good dominant guys out there, because most of them have been snapped up! So looking somewhere like Fetlife where you’re trying to find ‘the one’ is a difficult search. Somewhere like Tumblr, where it’s more accepted that you can dip in and out with the doms/teachers that you like the sound of might be a better way to start. The downside being the messaging system sucks on here so you need to find other ways to communicate.

The issue of your age and virginity are not that they’d turn guys off due to lack of experience, but actually they’ll draw the douchebag wannabe doms to you like flies to a fresh piece of meat.

One of my kinkiest friends is still a virgin, although it’s become almost a fetish for her now. Don’t let that put you off exploring. I think it’s wonderful that you can do it at this point where you can figure out all that your amazing body is capable of and just what turns you on, before you even pursue sex with others. Master it with yourself first, that’s no bad thing.

Fetlife is fine, but it’s all a bit serious. Collarspace is completely full of fakes and to be avoided. Getdare can be quite cute, and is a much younger demographic. But all of them have sharks aplenty.

So a few bits of advice to finish…

1. Don’t get so obsessed with kink that you miss out on the joy of the simple things, use it to add excitement, not become the reason d’etre.

2. Be proud of your virginity and treat it as something to treasure, not a burden. It’ll happen at the right time with the right person if you don’t feel you have to deal with it.

3. Treat everyone who claims to be a dom with a HUGE amount of scepticism – be smart about not getting pressured into anything, be absolutely sure that someone is genuine, and don’t give out personal details until you truly know and trust them. It is up to them to prove they are for real, and they’ll do that by taking the time to get to know you and treat you with the care and attention someone your age with little experience needs.

Finally, given this is an orgasm denial blog I’m assuming you must have found my favourite kink piquing your interest! I think it’s a wonderful first kink to be exploring, it makes you feel incredibly sexy, lets you try out the idea of some kind of ongoing submission, even at a low level, and helps you get over shyness that might be holding you back from talking openly about sex or trying new things.

If you want some initial pointers in how to get started with that, then I dare you to be brave and send me a message off anon. I’ll try really hard not to be a manipulative jerk!

Hope that helps,


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