I can’t see your new blog because you sent this anonymously, Anon. But real life, the struggle is real indeed…
So, we have kids, jobs, we know the pain (and the joys).
The answer, as with most things, is compromise.
Most find that as they play with tease and denial more you do learn to balance the ‘needy sex toy’ urges with actual proper shit you need to be doing. In fact if you aren’t managing that balance, it’s not a kink, it’s an addiction. So cut it out and find what works for you (note to everyone).
With young kids and busy lives I tend to see kinky stuff as more of an oasis to escape to than a river to travel down, for now at least.
What really worked for us was putting in weekly date nights, that about half the time were kinky as fuck, but always were romantic to kick them off. Our kids are amazing actually, we’d do a lot of the date nights at home when they were younger but they totally learnt that mummy and daddy were having time for each other and even started putting themselves to bed that night as they got older. Skillz.
Do a day or two or denial up to the date night, and not just you, try him edging too if he’s up for it. Even try locking his cock in a cage, it makes any date night din-din into a kinky win-win.
The other great tip we got from friends was the single most important item of DIY to add to a house – PUT A LOCK ON YOUR BEDROOM DOOR.
Not only does it prevent the above, and give you the confidence to get your thang on without any fear of being interrupted, but the whole clicking the lock into place becomes a ‘Let’s get it awwwn’ moment:
The next thing is start planning some Dirty Weekends away – bribe, beg, or threaten family and friends into looking after the kids, and the the fuck out of Dodge.
It’s not just the time away (try really hard to make it two nights, you’ll just sleep the first if you haven’t done many of these), it’s the build up. Edging with purpose knowing it’s a build up to going away. Both have fun planning stuff. Knowing most of your plans won’t work out as you fantasised but it’s really hot even thinking about it together. Oh and buying some sex toys to use when you’re there…
Four poster beds come into their own, just sayin’:
But actually you can do really cheap places too, that’s kind of fun. Once you’ve slept you’ll spend most of the time fucking each others brains out so it doesn’t need to be too posh.
Just getting away, with time for the two of you does wonders in resetting the balance and giving you that kinky intimacy that does so much for you and your relationship.
It means it doesn’t have to be so intense the rest of the time, not for now at least, and you can get that balance right without thinking you’re always missing out.
As the kids get older, and as you get more used to edging you can start to incorporate kinky stuff into a more regular routine, but what works will vary for everyone so try things out, make sure the important stuff is getting done, but realise that investing in your sex life and relationship IS one of those important things.
I hope that helps,