Painful sex is all too common (10% of women experience it in a recent survey) and it’s great that you’re asking for advice because the single worst thing you can do is say nothing about it and suffer in silence. That’s a surefire way to make things worse, in terms of both sex life and relationships.

So, there are lots of causes of pain and let me put my…

…warning up there before I give any advice.

The obvious first thing to try is lube. Lube is not just for when you can’t get wet, it makes sex slippier and more comfortable even when you are getting wet enough. It might make the difference.

The other thing is to try different angles. If you usually do it missionary style give it a go on top, or spooning, or doggy. And don’t mix it up. Just stick with one and see if that leaves you feeling better.

Alternatively, if you are using lube and/or condoms then those might actually be the problem. Try switching them to an alternative (e.g. non latex condoms, silicone lube instead of water based, definitely avoid flavoured ones etc) and that might help too.

However, beyond those simple options can I please encourage you not to be embarrassed and speak to your doctor. Now if you have a family doctor you trust then they can be a good starting point, but painful sex is sometimes awkward to talk to them about, and often, they aren’t experts in it. So a better bet is often a sexual health clinic where they ARE experts in this stuff and usually very easy to access via a drop in system.

For advice actually written by doctors let me point you to Net Doctors

And, as a serious temporary measure if the above don’t help and you’re waiting to see a doctor – try anal sex. Lots of lube, go slow and read up on it first; but I know several women who never really enjoyed vaginal sex, finally gave anal a go and LOVED it and were annoyed they hadn’t before.

Hopefully some of that will help, well done doing the most important thing and asking for advice – it’s the biggest step with stuff like this.


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