Hi James! My partner and I are looking into ways to help with an emotional blockage when it comes to orgasming, and we’re wondering if denial would be an interesting/helpful thing to try. Love your blog, by the way!
I’ll give a qualified yes, as ‘emotional blockage’ could cover a multitude of things. But on the whole edging and denial are very good for helping you open up mentally and emotionally, especially when it’s related to sexual things.
At worst it’s a fun, interesting thing to explore and to get you feeling more comfortable talking about and exploring your sexuality, so there’s really no reason not to give it a try.
One thing I’d recommend is using it to open up communication between you to an even deeper level. With your partner gently edging you and keeping you near climax, you will feel more able to open up about your fantasies, desires, and fears than you thought was ever possible. You can even plan the questions they will ask you together in advance. Start with some gentle teasing ones and then build more towards exploring the blockage you’re experiencing:
- What does this make you want me to do to you right now?
- Describe your favourite fantasy
- Tell me a fantasy you’ve never dared to before
- Convince me not to let you cum
- How long should I keep you like this?
and then you can perhaps start to explore topics around the blockage
- Don’t you think it’s better if you don’t cum?
- What’s stopping you?
- Maybe I prefer you like this
As well as being just hot sexy fun, it really can have some profound emotional impact. I’ve used it extensively with several friends who’ve come out of quite traumatic abuse and seen it bring about healing and some serious transformation as they become more proactive in their sexual play and fantasy life, and by taking away the ‘downer’ that comes with orgasming, it quite effectively avoids the negative cycle of pleasure and then self-hate that regular masturbation with orgasms can bring about.I know that’s an extreme example but my point is, it can be a very powerful force for good.
Having said that, it’s quickly apparent that it can be a negative for some. That edging just isn’t a good idea and instead of any kind of ‘denial high’ it can make you feel crappy. That might be emotional, it might be physical. But either way, just listen to your body and emotions and don’t go down that rabbit hole. Maybe try it again another time but for now enjoy the fantasy but don’t keep on with edging if it’s putting you into a negative mental state. It’s not supposed to.