Hi James, my girlfriend and I (we’re lesbians) are in a fairly vanilla relationship (she has a lot of trauma she’s working through so kinky stuff is sometimes overwhelming), but she is also very much a sub and I’m a switch. When I’m in the mood to be subby I tend to be self denied. I’ve tried asking permission for things and suggesting possible tasks for her to order me to do, but she’s such a sub herself she can’t really give me what I need. Any advice?

Hi there,

So, one way to handle this is very much make it into a game, and don’t put the final decision on her, but use ‘chance to decide’.For example all the stuff I do with the ‘wheeldecide.com’ things. That way she can be involved but not have the pressure of having to impose it. Instead it’s ‘fate’ – works great. I used it with my wife just to encourage her to explore being less subby.

Have a look through some of my denial buddy tasks as there’s a few in there that do exactly that and I’m sure you could adapt to have a LOT of fun together.

edging.space/tagged/denial-buddies