Hi Em! There’s a lot of reasons it can be hard to cum, but let me give you a few ideas and hopefully some will help.
Firstly, so much of it is about you being in the right state of mind. Is something stressing you, are you worried about things? That’s going to make it hard. Two things you can do about that, firstly is talk about them, to him or others, I know, not the sexy advice you had in mind, right? But really, getting them off your chest really helps. Second thing is sexier though, try relaxing first, massage each other, or have a nice hot touchey shower, or just you having a relaxing bath first. Get your head in the game and cumming with him will be much easier (it’s pretty much essential if you want to explore G-spot orgasms at first btw, just an FYI for everyone).
Secondly, yes edging can help, a lot. But it sounds like you’re doing that already? Don’t over do it, we don’t want your clit sore and worn out, but edging a few times during the day and even the day before without cumming before you get together is definitely a good plan.
Third, let’s work on his technique. Only 30% of women can cum just from penetration, that’s just how it works, so if you’re both expecting you to cum from just that then you’re against the odds already (I know you probably know this but just covering the basics). So we need him to be spending time touching and licking you. A classic set up is the two of you making out, getting more and more intimate with him touching you gently at first, teasing you, sucking your nipples as he plays with your clit, a little fingering inside you, back to rubbing your clit. Basically him starting to edge you the way you do yourself, just with all the extras that comes from having another person do it!
And here’s the first big trick – TELL HIM WHAT FEELS GOOD. Spend a few times doing this where you agree you’ll give more feedback so he really nails what gets you off. Just a little bit of sexy, ‘Oh that is so good’ but ALSO ‘No, not that way, let me show you’ etc. Literally show him till he nails it. (Also great to do this in reverse sometime with you going down on him, just sayin’).
So help him get even better at playing with you with his hands, spend time on that, and then, down he goes, and for that he can find ALL he needs to know on my Become a Cunnilingus Superstar post (but again take the same attitude of telling him what’s best for you, we all vary, when he does it).
Then the basic rule of (non-denial) love making..SHE CUMS FIRST. You take her all the way there with hands and your mouth before you start fucking, it makes it all the better for both of you.
What? Am I really saying this, Mr Denial Guru? Yep! Life is not all about denial, just this blog is.
Now the other tip is if you’re still struggling, and just to make life easier, is add in a vibe. A good bullet vibe like the ones I recommend here will do nicely. Don’t use it all the time, but when you’re pressed for time or struggling to get her off it’s definitely hugely helpful. Again, make her cum with it, then go down on her to give her another one (it’s much easier for most (not all) women to cum again once they’ve cum once). Just give her a bit of time to stop being super sensitive, a minute or two that’s all, and no longer than three or four or she starts to come down from the ‘orgasmic plateau’ (it’s a thing, google it) and it’ll be harder to make her cum again.
See how that works for you both, and do let us know what works!
James