Hi James! I’m not sure if you’re still answering messages sent on tumblr, but here goes nothing. I’m 19 years old, and just started having sex. The first guy was super vanilla (which I respected but it really put me off). Now, I found a guy who is really into BDSM and seems to have a daddy kink as well. He asked me what my kinks were, and won’t do anything too crazy before I tell him. I think that’s a good thing but now I’m faced with a major problem… (1/2)

I’m just too shy. I have a rough idea of what I like but I don’t know how to tell him. Any ideas about how I can overcome my shyness?

Okay, what I suggested in the message below can work really well for you as long as you’re up for being that intimate. Your shyness will fall away as you get closer to cumming, and I assume you’re into edging given you’re writing to me. 

So try that out for starters. But also try writing, it’s often easier to write than say it face to face. So you could even do a session on chat, where you get warmed up edging and then he makes you answer those questions and more to be allowed to keep playing. You might even get an orgasm as a reward.

My only warning with this approach is don’t let it mean you skip the slow stuff. There’s a danger if you suddenly come out about your huge butt stuffed in public kink or how you like latex and trampolines that it short cuts some of the simple hot sexy stuff that you might do together. So just make it clear those are SOME of the things you are into but you’re keen to find new ones too, that’ll let you explore some paths together that aren’t so pre-defined and stuff that he is into too.