What a lovely question, I’m go glad you asked. As far as I’m considered we’re always in training, there are always new things to learn and discover.

So look, first things first, dominant things aside (note the spelling btw), she picked you. She’s seen something in you that she likes, and for whatever reason she’s left that old dom who wasn’t giving her what she needed. This is a good start. So stop comparing.

The first rule of any D/s play or relationship – keep communicating. So tell her how you’re feeling and ask for her help. Just because you’re taking the role of dominant (that’s the only way it’s ever spelt) does not mean you have to take the lead for now. She knows how this works, so get her to show you.

Now she may well have this thing about ‘topping from the bottom’ that bullshit doms tell subs not to do. This is when a sub tries to get stuff to happen they would like – yes I know, doesn’t it sound AWFUL. How DARE THEY?!

I’m being sarcastic. Only idiot doms worry about a sub ‘topping from the bottom’ because they aren’t confident in their own ability or authority to handle what is going on. Any good dom is more than happy to hear whatever a sub has to say (although it’s hot to shut them up too). It’s just COMMUNICATION.

What we then DO with that information is up to me, that’s the dom’s job.

So ask her to help you. Ask her to tell you what she’d like, and then give it a go, together, with her giving you feedback but you trying to take the lead as much as you want, but also asking her for tips as you feel the need. And beyond that, sure do your own research too, or ask others (I’m only a message away). But what works for you both will be unique to you, so read things like Tumblr for inspiration, do some planning, and give it a go. But be aware any plans, just like war, go swiftly to shit as soon as you actually start. 

The real skills you need as a dom are creativity and confidence. And as you build those up, working together, she’ll forget all about that last bloke, I promise.

I hope that helps,


PS Don’t let her cum much at all, keep her edged – works wonders 😉 Oh and also, try interrogating her while edging her, this is hot as fuck. Get her tied down, slowly edge her and think up some questions to ask – and be cool with WHATEVER she says – you’re digging deeper into someone’s hidden thoughts if you do this.

Ask her questions like:

  1. what do I do that turns you on most
  2. what do you wish I’d do more of
  3. tell me some of your earliest fantasies
  4. what do you like me calling you when you’re aroused like this?
  5. should I let you cum (rub her till she says no)
  6. what should I make you do to me?
  7. tell me a fantasy that scares and arouses you
  8. now tell me the one you first thought of but didn’t dare say
  9. when I’m edging you like this how do you wish I’d treat you?
  10. should I let you cum or deny you (tell them to say deny if they don’t, then make them beg to be denied, ‘Please never let me cum’ is even hotter

Give them the reward of your cum for being such a good interrogee. 

(If you do this, store up the info they gave you, keep it secret, keep it safe, do NOT just blurt it out at non-sexual times (very rude). Save it up and use it over time.)

Leave a Reply