Hi. I came across your blog after my partner suggested orgasm denial/edging. I’m reluctant. He truly enjoys the agony/desperation. I understand the appeal, for couples, but he and I are definitely not a couple. We’ve only had a few encounters based strictly on sex and pain. It’s something that would appeal to me only if there was an emotional investment (much like my harder limits). Is that fair? Or do you think pursuing it with a casual “teacher” of sorts is a worthy introduction? Thank you!

Hi freckles,

It’s not clear who’s on the receiving end of the denial from your message. But actually, denial’s one of the easiest kinks to just try out so I don’t think you need much intimacy to make it work, it’s just the fact it’s not you (as the denied person) saying ‘no’ that makes it hot. Hell, lots of people delegate their denial to a spinny wheel I made just because it provides some of that experience.

As with trying any new kink, focus on having fun, don’t take it too seriously until you have got to grips with it, and don’t feel/create too much pressure to perform at first. There’s a definite physical and mental learning curve with this.

There’s about 100 ideas on this blog for someone to use, so whoever’s dishing it out, look here for inspiration!