Lots of thoughts! I always love answering question on denial for couples, so thanks for asking. Here’s some keys to how we make it work:

1. Communication

For my wife and I the single biggest help is we have a secret shared Tumblr blog which we both post stuff to. No one else can see it, we grab ideas from tumblr and the web and post them there, make comments on them, add tags such as ‘try this’ or ‘I might be into this’ or ‘Do this to me NOW’

On top of that, we have our own private chat on our phones, that no one else is part of. We use Telegraph, but friends use Viber and that’s good too. Don’t use Whatsapp or something you use for everyone else, or you WILL end up posting something embarrassing to the wrong place. Trust me.

So using that we just send each other little messages during the day, I get her to tell me how horny she is. She also has emojis that say that more subtly which is easier for her to use, although sometimes I’ll make her say it. We’ll send pics to each other, or flag up if we’ve posted to our shared Tumblr. It’s cute, it’s easy and it’s a constant low level of sexiness when the Tumblr is mixed in.

If one of us has been posting things we’ll often review them together in bed on a tablet and either make it happen or plan for it another time, which brings us to:

2. Dedicated Romantic and Sexy Time

We strictly enforce a weekly date night, which we take it in turns to plan. We both love to cook so while we will go out to restaurant sometimes, we tend to enjoy cooking something special for each other. The kids are well trained and disappear off and leave us alone for the evening (not so easy when they are younger) and it’s a good way to build on the communication going on the rest of the week and turn some of our plans into action.

Beyond date nights we’ll plan ‘scenes’ where it’s a specifically kinky thing we’ll do one night, maybe I’ll write a roleplay or we’ll take things that need more sexy time to accomplish and focus on trying it out, or just go back to some of the things we know we love, it doesn’t all have to be new, just variety sometimes keeps it fresh.

Then beyond that, we’ll try and get away for a ‘dirty weekend’ a few times a year, book some nice hotel or cottage and I’ll tend to plan the whole weekend – not that those plans EVER work out exactly as expected, but it’s such fun planning!

So those are some of the strategies we use. Nothing radical in there, just pretty obvious stuff that a lot of couples never get around to doing. And it does take effort, anything does, especially relationships and good sex. So the challenge for him is to really get to grips with how important to you not only denial but all that it leads to, kinky sex, submission, D/s etc. is, and realising it’s part of how he shows his love for you. You in return, will support and nurture him, oh and suck his dick like a pro and be a good little fuck toy. You hope.

I’m actually writing a guide/book/thing around that topic, of helping your partner be a better dom, and got some couples who are using the ideas and giving me feedback. So if you’d both be interested in that then drop me a message and we can chat about it further.

Hope that helps,


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