Hi Rebecca (I love it when you anons give me a name to use, just sayin’).
Again that’s wonderful to hear. Thank you for the encouragement.
Let’s talk about guilt. Guilt, like worry, doesn’t really help anything. It just makes you feel worse. What’s needed instead is a fresh perspective and sometimes some action.
It’s probably that if you sit back, maybe take a day off from tumblr, and examine what’s making you feel that way, it’s that you’re just a bit out of balance, and need to exercise a little self control and perhaps limit how much you’re edging and watching porn.
Do trust yourself too, you don’t have to like everything, just listen to your conscience if you watch something that makes you feel bad and learn to skip over it, filter it out.
Prudish religious zealots aside, let’s remember a lot of the Bible (can’t speak to the Qur’an etc as I’m a good Christian boy) is very sex positive. It has a whole X-rated book in the Song of Solomon that’s talking (in metaphor) about giving pleasure, oral sex, teasing, maybe even denial if I stretch it a bit.
Also, as far as I read it, within a committed relationship, almost ANYTHING goes. Paul even extols his readers to be making sure they get it on A LOT.
This might be a first for the blog, but let me quote the bible:
Husbands and wives have reciprocal duties. Each husband has the responsibility to meet his wife’s sexual desires, and each wife should do the same for her husband. 4 In marriage neither the husband nor the wife should act as if his or her body is private property—your bodies now belong to one another, and together they are whole. 5 So do not withhold sex from one another, unless both of you have agreed to devote a certain period of time to prayer. When the agreed time is over, come together again so that Satan will not tempt you when you are short on self-control. 1 Cor 7:3-5
I love that idea of you belonging to each other, and the obligation to meet each other’s desires. To my mind that very much includes a lot of the kinky stuff you want. If you want him spanking you and denying you and fucking you in the ass… it’s his duty! Woo hoo.
But for now, it’s just you and I think the key is to just find a balance you feel comfortable with. Make sure you can take a break from it, it can be addictive. This is true for anyone, not just those with a faith. Denial and edging are wonderful, but there is so much more to life,and sex! It should be like the frosting on the cake that makes it all even better (and more moist).
What’s most important for me is the way it is teaching you to love yourself, explore your amazing body, to be confident and feel sexy. It even helps develop that self control Paul was talking about. Nice!
Now go forth and edge yourselves!