#DenialDecember Day 1

Dear James,

I started yesterday morning by finding Denial December plastered across my notifications as I scrolled through my phone. I’ve always been huge into edging and denial but have never had the will power to do more than 4-5 days on my own, and if we’re being honest usually no more than 48 hours. I’ve been so frustrated with my lack of control to deny my own self an orgasm, lack of accountability I suppose, but I am determined to make it through Denial December, so here is my recount of Day 1:

My first edge of the day proved to me just how desperate I already was. I had fallen asleep the night before with some arousal hypno files playing and as I stumbled across Denial December (thanks Nimja) it seemed like a terribly delicious idea. Four measly minutes in I had to ruin my first orgasm of the day. The drop was intense but within minutes I had to fight with myself to get ready for work before I was late (how embarrassing would that have been to explain to my manager =S.)

I’ve always wanted to be able to maintain arousal in a public place, to be needy and desperate while at work or out shopping but my social anxiety usually gets in the way and even being filled with a plug fails to keep me there. As I arrived at work, the need faded and I was sorely disappointed. But then the funniest thing happened about half way through my shift. I had come to a lull in my work and had sit back to contemplate the rest of the day. The movement alone reminded me of the early morning’s ruin and how sensitive my poor clit was. The need surfaced with a vengeance….I wanted to edge so badly that I fidgeted with the same account mindlessly for fifteen minutes while trying to decide which bathroom I’d have the most privacy in. Of course it happened to be the farthest from my desk and every step there was torture. The seam of my jeans pressed to my clit made it nearly unbearable by the time I reached a stall and I’m certain I was less than quiet as I reached the edge. I returned to my desk, dripping and weak kneed to make it through the rest of my day.

I wish it ended there and I could say I didn’t find myself grinding in the drivers seat of my car as I waited for a friend to meet me at the grocery store that evening. Or that I didn’t get too close to the edge and have to ruin one more time before the night was over. It was an interesting first day to Denial December, but I made it through 24 hours without giving in. Here’s to 23 more days!

~ Axis

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