Denial high
It came back.
It came back with a vengeance.
I’d been struggling for weeks. Depression was settling around me and I couldn’t breathe anymore. I kept going over, kept cumming without permission, but he wouldn’t punish me. He waited. He was gentle, and understanding, and loving, as I worked through my pain slowly. I cried every day. We prayed together, and we talked, and I cried, and every time i edged I went over and i hated myself for it, but he never told me off.
He waited.
And it came back. The fog started to pull away, and I started to see the light again. I think I’m being more positive again, I told him. I haven’t cum in two days, and I want to try one more day and then cum.
He said I was a good girl, but he didn’t push me. He didn’t say I wasn’t allowed. He waited.
It came back. I’m so horny, I texted. ‘I just edged so hard, and I’m trying not to touch but i really want to.’
‘Just humping, princess’, he said.
I humped my pillow and I kept talking. I begged to use a dildo and he said yes, but leave that clit alone. I kept begging for more. I was digging a hole but I wanted to, I wanted to dig, I wanted to be denied, I wanted more. ‘I want to stay like this. I was only going to do this for a few days but I want you to keep me like this for much longer’.
‘Are you sure, little fucktoy?’
I was so happy he was calling me names again, belittling me again, being mean to me again, I didn’t hesitate for even a second. ‘Yes Sir.’
Then you will stay like this, he said. He didn’t say for how long. He didn’t specify an end date. I didn’t want him to. I wanted the vague threat of forever.
I edged, and I begged, and finally I got so close I had to stop, so I did. I slowed down the fucking, not even a finger or anything else against my clit. And very slowly, I pulled the dildo out.
And I came. With no touching at all, an orgasm suddenly built and exploded and overwhelmed me. I panicked.
It was a ruin of course. I wasn’t even touching, and the explosion happened without touching and fizzed out immediately. It was my first no touch orgasm and my first no touch ruin.
I cried.
And part of me thought it was beautiful.
I edged hard again tonight and I didn’t go over. I can see the light again. The denial high is back.
I hope I stay like this. I hope he keeps me like this for a long time.
I hope I don’t get to cum again for a long time.
