It came back.
It came back with a vengeance.
I’d been struggling for weeks. Depression was settling around me and I couldn’t breathe anymore. I kept going over, kept cumming without permission, but he wouldn’t punish me. He waited. He was gentle, and understanding, and loving, as I worked through my pain slowly. I cried every day. We prayed together, and we talked, and I cried, and every time i edged I went over and i hated myself for it, but he never told me off.
And it came back. The fog started to pull away, and I started to see the light again. I think I’m being more positive again, I told him. I haven’t cum in two days, and I want to try one more day and then cum.
He said I was a good girl, but he didn’t push me. He didn’t say I wasn’t allowed. He waited.
It came back. I’m so horny, I texted. ‘I just edged so hard, and I’m trying not to touch but i really want to.’
‘Just humping, princess’, he said.
I humped my pillow and I kept talking. I begged to use a dildo and he said yes, but leave that clit alone. I kept begging for more. I was digging a hole but I wanted to, I wanted to dig, I wanted to be denied, I wanted more. ‘I want to stay like this. I was only going to do this for a few days but I want you to keep me like this for much longer’.
‘Are you sure, little fucktoy?’
I was so happy he was calling me names again, belittling me again, being mean to me again, I didn’t hesitate for even a second. ‘Yes Sir.’
Then you will stay like this, he said. He didn’t say for how long. He didn’t specify an end date. I didn’t want him to. I wanted the vague threat of forever.
I edged, and I begged, and finally I got so close I had to stop, so I did. I slowed down the fucking, not even a finger or anything else against my clit. And very slowly, I pulled the dildo out.
And I came. With no touching at all, an orgasm suddenly built and exploded and overwhelmed me. I panicked.
It was a ruin of course. I wasn’t even touching, and the explosion happened without touching and fizzed out immediately. It was my first no touch orgasm and my first no touch ruin.
And part of me thought it was beautiful.
I edged hard again tonight and I didn’t go over. I can see the light again. The denial high is back.
I hope I stay like this. I hope he keeps me like this for a long time.
I hope I don’t get to cum again for a long time.