Yay. Day five! Only 25 more days to go!

Yes, I will do random updates like these. I’m doing this update mainly for yesterday. The optional task of the day was to ruin an orgasm.

I ruined before but I have never been sure if it gives me anything, you know? So, when I read about this task I thought I better not do it. Instead, I kinda put thumbtacks in my bra for one edge (just shortly and only a few as I’ve tried that for the first time and am not sure how safe it is (?)). That actually felt pretty good.

When I edged for a long time last night, I thought about ruining it again though. Aaaand I decided to do it because I think I’m already going into that headspace where I would do anything for even a little bit of pleasure.

For the first time, I did it by not only stroking my clit and taking that away but also using a dildo and pulling it out when going over. And shit. I could’ve waited a little bit longer before pulling out to gt a harder ruin, but it was already… well… I don’t even know what it was. I never had such a long orgasm, to be honest (my orgasm all are rather short) – and it was terrible because it might have felt good a little bit but mainly felt crappy. My hips humped the air like crazy and I had to use all my willpower do not press my legs together or get my hands there again to get a little bit of stimulation.

I wasn’t able to even write it up afterwards, because it felt so weird, and good and bad. I am still barely able to comprehend that ruin after a good night of sleep. And I’m still not sure if it made my denial situation better or worse.

I edged myself again only shortly after (when the orgasm was fully over) to definitely get myself horny again. I don’t think i will purposely ruin again during these 30 days, just in case, as I don’t want to ruin my denial high, as I still can’t put my finger on what that ruin did to me. But I will probably experiment with ruining after that some more. Using a dildo at the same time definitely has done the trick in one way or another.

But yeah, now back to only edging. And I want to have a real orgasm so badly!

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