Can you have something be a kink but not a turn on? Some things, particularly the posts on a lot of pain, aren’t as interesting to me as others. I consented to letting my partner try some of these things on me though and it turned out I was really into it! But I still don’t enjoy the posts on it. Is that normal? Love, Collared Cat

Hello Cat,

Some people aren’t turned on by something they see in porn or reading about at all, but when the magic ingredient of someone we love brings them into our lives it totally transforms it. So yes, very normal, nothing to worry about! Good question though!

I just encourage anyone to subscribe to the ‘try anything twice’ rule (once isn’t enough in some cases, worth giving things an extra go). As long as it’s with someone you care about, and is safe, sane and consensual then give it a go, see if you enjoy it, be honest if you don’t, and just have a laugh. 

That’s what you never see in most porn or blogs, how much fun all this shit should be. If you’re not laughing sometimes when trying new kinks, you’re probably doing it wrong.

Love,
James