I’ve had a few messages asking about what’s come up recently with women who haven’t ever experienced an orgasm and what I’ve done with them.

Can I be very clear that the STORY I was telling recently about not letting someone orgasm who wanted to was fictional and designed to arouse and titillate. If you can’t tell fact from fiction you probably shouldn’t be on Tumblr, let alone my blog.

In the few cases where someone with anorgasmia (or simply someone who had never had an orgasm) have messaged me for help it is only ever WITH their consent that I’ve taken them down the road of denial instead. 

I can’t in fact promise that I’m able to make someone orgasm, the causes and cures of anorgasmia are varied and complex. What I can do however is offer them an alternative, which is to instead accept and enjoy edging and denial which for many is a huge release from the fact that their inability to cum has overshadowed their sex lives. For the first time it gives them a way to enjoy sex and to even feel special about their situation without that detracting from it. 

In the survey we carried out last December some 30 out of 1,100 respondents said they’d never had an orgasm, so it is pretty rare but not insignificant, especially to those affected.

Some of the messages I’ve got seem to think it’s my duty to help women orgasm, it really isn’t! I run an orgasm denial blog! The question I pose to every single one of them, ‘If you’re so eager to orgasm, why have you just asked for help from someone who’s entire blog is about preventing them?’

If you want a mature and extensive exploration of this topic I encourage you to visit http://brand-new-in-box.tumblr.com/, run by a friend of mine who continues to have a love hate relationship with her condition, but for whom denial has given a release from the pressure to have to orgasm. In her words in a recent post, ‘Now, I think what’s beautiful, at least in my case, about tease and denial, is that it takes having an orgasm out of the equation, so there isn’t any pressure about cumming.’

The author was the first woman to approach me with this situation, and frankly my experience with her shaped how I’ve dealt with it since. She remains a friend and I’m sure would be happy to answer questions about what her experience has been, of anorgasmia, and me.

(tagged version to focus on her thoughts and captions on the subject)

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