Archive for : May, 2019

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Hi even sending this is a huge step for me so I hope you can help. I’m a committed Christian and feel very weird even thinking about sex and I don’t know if that’s just me or what I’ve been taught but I also really want to be a good lover to a future husband but I don’t know how to learn that. Should I just wait until I get married and figure it out with him or do you think edging would help? A friend told me to write to you I hope it’s okay.

Hi there anon, well done being brave and asking, it’s a really important question.

I know from surveys we’ve done there are lots of women, in similar positions, usually Christian or Muslim who follow the blog. And of course as I’ve talked about a few times my wife was in exactly that position, pastor’s kid etc.

I totally understand where you’re coming from and while I appreciate the idea of holding off and learning it all with your husband, I think that’s a bad idea. 

That’s mostly because part of your hesitation about doing anything now comes from quite natural insecurities about sex, your body, your sexual responses. Churches, heck, most societies are awful at teaching young people about this stuff. And those insecurities are NOT going away unless you do something about it. 

Instead you’re likely going to drag all those things into your marriage bed and make what can ideally be the most amazing experiences of your life just a confusing, scared mess that puts HUGE pressure on the guy to make it work.

The bottom line is this, if you don’t know how your body responds sexually, if you don’t understand what turns you on and what you like, how on earth can you expect him to?

Those first experiences can be absolutely amazing, I speak from experience, but for that to happen you both need to be relaxed, and excited, and as comfortable with yourselves sexually as you can be.

Also you’re at a huge disadvantage. Your husband-to-be has, in 99% of cases (and they say the other 1% is lying) been masturbating for years. Also, unfortunately he’s most likely been watching porn for years too and because of that his expectations are going to be sky high, and setting things up for disappointment. If you go into that marriage bed completely naive to how he thinks, let alone the basics of how you orgasm or what you respond to, it’s going to be such a huge mismatch of expectations there is no way it ends well.

So instead here’s my advice. Make a concerted effort to understand yourself. It is your responsibility to know your body, how it responds, what you enjoy, and to become excited about the possibility of sex. Don’t forget in the bible we have an entire erotic book in the Song of Solomon that talks about (in poetic terms) masturbation, getting aroused and wet, titillation and oral sex, as well as sex. Yeah it really does. Jews traditionally weren’t even allowed to read it till they were 21! And married couples are encouraged to have sex on a daily basis or whenever either is horny by St Paul.

Add to that and there is NOWHERE in the bible that says masturbation is wrong (the case of Onan being condemned for ‘spilling his seed on the ground’ is about not honouring his brother’s legacy by getting his widow pregnant (let’s not even go there), nothing to do with masturbation, at all).

So give it a go, guilt-free, with the intention of positively working out how you respond, what feels good, what turns you on (lots of stories on here), and also how to orgasm, and multiple orgasm. Beyond that it’s also about training your biggest sexual orgasm YOUR BRAIN to be good at this too. Read some good erotica, maybe even watch some very female friendly porn, or for many reading captions here on Tumblr and now BDSMLR is a huge turn on too. Through practise and some non judgemental exploration you’ll realise just how incredible your mind and body are. Whether you’re evolutionist or creationist, we were MADE to have sex, how great is that. Just look at our ridiculous bodies, someone somewhere is having a laugh, I know that.

Having said all that a common issue after masturbation is the loss of libido after an orgasm is often tied with a feeling of worry or guilt that it was wrong to do. This isn’t a great thing to keep doing to yourself either, as I know many for whom orgasm=guilt (I went to catholic school), which is one reason why edging is such a great option when exploring for yourself. It has an element of self-discipline in it, it promotes you feeling good about yourself, and it doesn’t have that drop at the end.

Beyond that it’s all the reasons I promote it too, the self-confidence that comes from edging, the way it helps your self-image, how sexy and feminine it can make you feel, it’s such a positive activity if you’re wanting to build up any of those areas.

I hope that helps, oh and finally it sounds like you have a good friend there. Talk to her about it, that’s what friends are for. Not feeling you’re all alone and weird with this stuff is the first major step to getting good at it. The essence of good sex is actually communication, so learning to be at ease talking about it with someone you trust, the good bits, the hot bits, and the worries you have, will be a massive help to you becoming the confident, sex-positive woman I’m sure you hope to be.


How do you ruin an orgasm? Sorry if that’s a stupid question. I’m new to this kinda thing

It’s not stupid at all, lots of the old descriptions have been deleted in the tumblr purge, but any questions are always welcome.

Ruining an orgasm at it’s simplest is stopping stimulation just as you go over the point of no return into cumming. It’s pretty intense, as your body is so used to having a huge amount of pleasure at this point, but instead it just gets nothing, it’s a real mindfuck. 

So why on earth would anyone want to do that you might ask.

Well, for those exploring denial part of the joy of it is the constant buzz and well being you feel from being aroused – you feel very ‘alive’, what I call the Denial High.

When you cum you lose this in many cases, but if you ruin an orgasm you don’t get the same cocktail of hormones released and you’ll tend to find yourself really horny again, sometimes even more so, in half an hour or so.

The other is it’s definitely masochistic, taking away the pleasure you expect to experience. So that might work for you, or be inflicted upon you.

For lots of ruined orgasm guides, captions and images check out my bdsmlr:

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Hi James. I am into denial and ruin porn and want to start doing it to myself. Every time I say I’m going to deny myself or ruin my orgasm I never follow through. Can I please have a task and punishment for not following through


Have a ruined orgasm.


Crazy feeling

Kinda crazy feeling…I had many orgams the last week….all with permission of my wonderful Mistress and one without permission …(no worries, I git punished for this 😉)

and all I do now, is edging …edging over and over again just to get the throbbing back…

… and you know what….I can edge now all I want….but… that truly pulsing, throbbing feeling will be back in one or two days…maybe three. Don’t get me wrong…I am already needy as f*** but you know that deep feeling of desperation and frustration in you, you feel that after some days of no cumming and just edging!

Time is the key….and I know my neediness is here and will come back stronger with everyday I am edging..and my wonderful Mistress knows that too….and she will be there ..making me more and more desperate with her amazing ideas to play with my neediness. *shiver* ♡

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Hey, in your new answer with the teased boy you talked about humping a matress and pillow. Can you explain it a bit more? Im a boy and i rly dont get how to

Fold the pillow over and stick your cock in the middle bit from the side (it’s softer than straight on the mattress). 

Basically like a hot dog in a massive slice of bread.

Just, cumming on a pillow is not a mess you want to clean up, so stick a towel as the filling in the sandwich, put on a condom, or even better don’t cum.

Can you point me in the direction of a diy crotch rope. I’ve seen it before but I can’t seem to find it. Please and thank you, Sir.

Good old Tumblr took it down but I posted it again on my bdsmlr:

Also if you search that for crotch ropes it has all kinds of ideas!

Oh and bdsmlr have an app now!!! So you can use it without it showing up in your search history. It’s still in beta but working well.

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Do you have any dildo recommendations for someone who’s never really got past one, sometimes two fingers? I want to get one but I don’t want you end up with something too big to use comfortably. Thanks!

I do indeed, it’s Lovehoney’s 7″ suction cup silicone dildo

It’s like Mary Poppins, practically perfect in every way, (EXCEPT WHY IS THE COCK HEAD BACKWARDS? It doesn’t really annoy me every time I see it, I promise.)

Anyway, it’s gorgeously smooth, perfectly bendable, and purple, I mean what more can you want…

Oh yes, the suction cup, which means you can even stick it to things to fuck, which is great exercise and a very different experience once you get used to using it with your hand.

It’s a great width for slowly opening you up, and the curve means it hits your g-spot pretty much perfect if you use it that way around.

I know 7″ seems long but it’s the length of most vaginas actually, but more importantly if you do find you love sticking it to things (you will) then it gives you that bit extra length so you can still enjoy it even if you can’t get all the way to the base.

Lovehoney Europe actually have a 20% off everything sale from tomorrow over the weekend so it might be a good time to buy it.

Save 20% at Lovehoney EU (starts Friday)

Lovehoney UK and EU also have a whole set of toys reduced to £20 of 


 off so if those two deals combine you’re onto a winner!

Lovehoney UK £20 deals

Lovehoney EU 

€25 deals

The one I recommend above is that price anyway. So try it out and remember they have a really good returns policy and process so if it isn’t the right one for you, they’ll refund or swap it out more than happily (seriously, they’re such lovely women on the returns line, although you can just do it by chat).

The other key is of course using lube. As you stretch and get used to taking more than a finger in you lube is going to make a HUGE difference. It’ll make it feel better, much more comfy and more fun.

The final point though, is do this when you’re edging. Don’t just go in cold, be really horny and warmed up and it’ll be all the better. Vagina’s are amazing, they can stretch, a lot. Educate yourself on the hymen too (lots in previous posts on this blog) as that may need stretching too, but mostly the difficultly getting penetration is a combination of you tightening up because of being nervous and simply the very stretchy material of your vagina not being used to it. It’s like unfurling tightly wrapped material, it kind of sticks to itself a bit as you first open it up, but once you’re relaxed and get past that discomfort for most it’s an incredible feeling, especially when you can reach your g-spot, which you normally can’t with just your own fingers (what I call God’s little tease).

I hope that helps, let us know how you get on.

I’m also on occasional squirter, but mine is just colorless runny liquid (just like water) is that normal?

Yep, very normal. It does vary in thickness a bit but for most it’s just like that, the main difference most describe is that if you rub it between your fingers it feels kind of ‘silky’. 

Also for the real sceptics there’s an easy test to show it isn’t just pee. It tastes totally different. I’ll leave you to ponder on that.

Remember in almost all porn women claiming to squirt are just peeing, because they’re actresses, and pee is easy to make, squirting takes hard work so don’t be expecting to experience what you see in porn. Always a good rule.

The amount of ejaculate is what varies most, some might just feel a teaspoon’s worth dribble out, others can produce a good few big squirts. The reality is the latter is probably mixing in some contents of your bladder as there isn’t much space to store it anywhere else. So if you’re going for it simply pee before you start to minimise that.

But yes, you’re totally normal, so enjoy and remember to put down a towel!

Oh and if you want an advanced edging challenge, try squirting without cumming, yeah, it can be done! 

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I’m trying to tease a boy who hasn’t cum in 9 days. I can have him touch and tease himself however I want for another 6 days and then I’m going to tease him in person. Wanted some advice on how to drive him crazy, since he’s hard to edge in person. If I can get him to beg to cum I win a stuffie, so any help is appreciated

Well anon, as we know from fairgrounds people will do all kinds of things for a stuffie, so let’s see what we can get up to.

Long distance teasing

So first of all is what you can achieve before you get there, with your messages. We cannot get enough of hearing how horny you are. Like really, if we’re into you that shit is like a drug. So anything saying how hot denying him has got you will be great, stuff like:

  • I think I dreamt of you last night, I woke up so wet
  • I get so turned on thinking of how horny you are
  • I can’t stop touching myself thinking about how full your balls must be getting
  • and basically any combo of words that suggests you’re horny, wet, or touching yourself will never fail.

Secondly getting him touching in more creative ways is a winner. 

So making him do it while you’re chatting is always hot. BUT also try the reverse, that he has to ask to be allowed to touch, and when he does, tell him what you want him doing.

Speaking of which, don’t just let him wank normally. Try things like:

  • Humping his cock between a pillow and mattress (don’t just hump the bed as it can actually do some damage
  • Lubing the inside of a condom and wanking that
  • Doing it somewhere different like another room or even where he might get caught
  • Giving him a certain number of strokes before he has to stop
  • Watching porn you choose

Finally make sure he’s thinking about what might happen when you do get to him in person. When he’s edging make HIM share fantasies of what might go on, see what he’ll admit. The best things to mess with him are the stuff he shares, as you know it’s going to hit home.

I personally always like to leave the idea that maybe he won’t even cum when you’re there as an option. The biggest mindfuck early on with denial is that moment you COULD cum, but you’re given the option to choose to be denied longer. So, so good.

Oh actually, lastly, if you like this so much, just see how desperate he gets if you lock up his cock in a cage… Try suggesting it beforehand, they’re so cheap on ebay for a CB6000S copy.

In person teasing

So number one, take your time! You’ve built up all this desire, don’t go wasting it in minutes or hours. If I’ve been playing a game like this with my wife, which we’ll often do in anticipation of a sexy weekend away, we generally try not to let me cum for the entire first day so I’m on a denial high (which gets me extra dominant which she adores). We’ve even enforced this with me in a cock cage which was ridiculously hot.

So yes, absolutely no rush, tease, touch, flirt. A big part of this is planning how you look. Pick something that will take his breath away. Be confident, the desire in his eyes will be the biggest confidence boost you can imagine.

Make lots of eye contact, and physical contact. His body will be like a wound up spring, wind him up even more. For most guys in that state our nipples are like lightning rods for desire, so see how he reacts to you stroking across them. When my wife wants to show me she’s in the mood in public her go to move is hugging me from behind with a secret nipple rub. Works every time. Kissing, his mouth and neck are also very powerful. Really, if it turns you on then it will probably turn him on.

I’d play games with a submissive classic too. Some point early on I’d have him sitting, get him to take his pants off, then kneel between his legs. As this point mention you’re not even sure you’re going to let him cum today, just to mess with him (maybe) and have a squeeze of his balls through his undies, making some comment about their fullness, and adding they could be fuller.

Then, get him to get it out, he’s so expecting you to play, or suck him now. So don’t. Chat to him, about it, about how it’s felt, with his cock out, not even touching it. This is your first good chance to make him beg. Not beg to cum, just beg to have you play, to stroke, to kiss it, to suck it. Whether he does or not. Don’t, not yet.

‘I think you need more practise begging before I do anything like that’ you can tell him. But admit how horny it’s got you.

So switch next, him between YOUR legs ‘ Show me how desperate you are, and don’t you touch that fucking cock is that clear?’ will drive him NUTS.

Hopefully he’ll make you cum, although an edge will keep you meaner, you decide. Either way ‘a few more of those today and I might start being persuaded’ is how you finish that.

And then, well I’d keep him naked, or at least keep his cock out – maybe tie a hairband or cock ring around it to keep it hard (don’t leave it on too long). No touching allowed of course.

You being dressed, him not is also a powerful turn on in this scenario. Some snuggling up like that, with a movie perhaps, where you just play with his nipples and occasionally brush over his cock but mostly his thighs and massaging his balls sometimes will work well.

If you fancy it you could put on some porn too. Put on some of your favourites and have him rub you as you watch. Get him to share what he watches too, and whisper can he imagine having a girl blow him while he watched. He can now.  Of course it’ll need more orgasms and begging if he ever hopes to have it happen.

At this point, if you want to work towards a grand finale, I’d be tying him up. Whatever his kink preference, dom, switch, sub, anything, that power exchange is always exciting (safewords in place of course). 

Old leggings work great if you don’t have anything else, or your back up can be just he puts his hands under his bottom and if they come out, you stop.

Either way, TAKE YOUR TIME. Get some good lube, not spit, nothing water based. Silicone lube is the way to go for a long, teasing wank. Although this ‘Release’ lube from Lovehoney is AMAZING for handjobs (and on the UK site you can get three of them for £15 plus 20% off this weekend.

If you need to learn how close he is, get him to give you numbers from one to ten where ten would be cumming.

Promise if he goes over without permission you’re going to ruin it, then Post Orgasm Torture him by rubbing his super sensitive cock with all the cum he just wasted – that might put him off.

But try not to let him go over. Get him to beg, truly beg. Get him to admit his fantasies as you edge him, how much he’s loved you doing this, how he can’t stop thinking about you caging his cock or whatever else you’ve put in his mind.

And then, when he’s right on the edge, slow down, and ask

‘So you decide… which should I do, let you cum, ruin you, or just keep you denied?’

You might be surprised at his answer.

I hope that helps, fun to write a male denial answer. As you can see, most of this can just be switched around for a woman, so I hope it’s useful for everyone.


I have a super exciting DIY project for you, the Panty Bump!

  1. Find a travel-sized toiletry bottle. There are many options at the pharmacy, but you may already have one hiding in your bathroom. Ideally, pick one that is rounded and smooth.
  2. Remove the top of the bottle. A knife should work, but you may need a saw if the bottle is thick.
  3. Either cut any rough edges back, or sand everything smooth with sandpaper or a file.
  4. Find an old pair of panties that you don’t mind stretching out.
  5. Figure out where you clit lines up with the panties. If that’s within the gusset area, you’ll need to remove the gusset from at least that section.
  6. Screw the cap into the panties with the cap on the inside and the threads on the outside.
  7. Enjoy!

I’ve had a denial friend try this out. She’s able to wear it for hours. She says:

It presses against my clit when I walk or sit and I’m trying to push up against it.. It keeps me stimulated and aware. It’s almost like a constant soft edge 🙂

What a very innovative idea, love this! The photos don’t make it very clear so for those of you who don’t read instructions (yeah yeah, I know who you are) the point is the inner part of the cap goes on the OTHER side of the panties, locking it in place.

This will work best with caps like the Listerine one which have a gap between the threads as they probably have a locking mechanism (two little triangles that lock onto bumps in the neck), which you might want to cut off before screwing it on too.

Try it out and see how you get on! 

Good work @dot-robot