Archive for : August, 2016

Hi James! I would like a little advice. I don’t feel pleasure from vaginal sex, I always need to rub my clit. I had only two vaginal orgasms in my life! I am 28 an feel incomplete. How do you think, will edging and denial help me? I never tried it and honestly never had an interest in it. What can you recommend? I don’t have bf so it’s just me and my toys.

Okay, firstly, welcome to being normal. The MAJORITY of women don’t cum from vaginal sex. The fact you’ve had two puts you above average. 

In an analysis of 33 different studies, it was consistently shown that only 25% of women regularly come from vaginal intercourse. And many never have.

This is why guys who think good lovin’ involves just pounding away at you till you get so bored you fake an orgasm are on a losing streak. Fingers and mouths people, fingers and mouths.

I hope, that with that pressure taken off you, you might be able to reevaluate how being fucked feels, because for many it doesn’t make them orgasm, but it feels great to be filled and fucked.

But hell yes, if you’re reading this blog and getting turned on by it, why not have a go at edging. For those who feel they have a low libido it’s often an amazing tool at getting you enjoying feeling horny and energised about sex. Just give it a go, it’s as simple as… stopping before you cum! I know, tricky stuff (you’d be surprised). Give that a go a few times a day and see if you like it. There’s lots of tasks and idea on this blog to try out if you do.

Just the other week a sub was staying with a denied friend of mine, literally like sub-sitting for the dom (I should start a business, a sub kennel…). At my suggestion she was introduced to denial the whole weekend, and I hear back it’s had an amazing effect on her sex drive and desire to push deeper into her submission. I’m not sure she’s been allowed to cum since…

Anyway, now I’ve stated the stats, here’s what I think though. I reckon a lot more women can cum from g-spot (vaginal) stimulation than currently do, it’s simply you’ve never learnt to.

I am not saying everyone, but if I were to guess from my own experience teaching a LOT of women how to find their g-spot, usually about two thirds cum from it once they figure out what’s going on. And maybe half those end up learning to squirt as part of it too.

The main issue that stops a lot of women is for most, the start of vaginal pleasure makes you feel like you’re going to pee. So you think, ‘eww peeing, don’t want to do that’ and stop. Rookie error.

That peeing feeling is your g-spot being stimulated and is the build up of fluid for a possible squirting orgasm, or sometimes an orgasm that doesn’t squirt, but it’s the same spot that feels that way anyway. Keep going with that and it feels better and better until, boom. You cum. But it’s totally okay if you can’t. Just cumming from clitoral stimulation IS THE NORM.

Here’s my simple instructions

Hey sir, i have edged myself 5 times today, my panties are soaked and i’m desperate to cum, may i please cum, sir?

Hey anon. It sounds perfect, why would you want to cum and ruin all that horniness for a few seconds of pleasure?

Permission denied.

Three more edges today, then no touching. 8 edges tomorrow and then you can ask again.

Good girl

Hi! Another member of the BNIB club here (well, sorta)! :P I have a bit of an embarrassing and unusual situation, but I thought I’d try to explain it, and why your blog helps me so much. See, I know your blog is more about female-bodied girls who are unable to cum, but I’m trans (e.g. I am a girl with a cock). (Part 1 / 3)


I am not sure how much you know about trans girls, but many of us have a severe dislike of our genitals (in my case disgust is more accurate). However, I am very submissive and love getting fucked and used. The issue is that, no matter how hard I try, I am unable to cum in any way from anal, and I’m too uncomfortable with my cock to touch it very much. So I’ve been unable to cum for a very long time, and I honestly can’t see that changing anytime soon.

I’ve always thought of it as a really depressing part of being trans, but reading your blog, I realize what a unique and special thing anorgasmia is! Next time I get fucked until I’m a whining, dripping mess, I’ll think of what a lucky toy I am ^.^  <3

I’m so happy it’s helped transform something depressing into something amazing!

Your situation is not embarrassing in my opinion, and it’s actually not THAT unusual. As I’ve said before, I think girls with a cock are actually really exciting to deny, as what you see as your disadvantage is an advantage to me. You see, one area in denial that cocks have the edge over pussies is the fact they are so much easier to lock up! So personally I’d lock you up in one of these:

Pink silicon chastity cage which are about $10-15 from Aliexpress or Ebay.

So yeah, what you see as a major issue, for denial purposes I think is absolutely brilliant.

I can understand how hard it is to have that cock reminding you that you’re different, but you know what, we’re all different. Everyone one worries about it. Most people, from the most vanilla to the ultimate kinkster have bits of themselves they don’t like. So, if you can, try to give your cock a little bit of love. 

You’re a girl, with a cock. It makes you special, not weird. To some people it makes you the most desirable sexual object on this planet, because, if you come to terms with it, it can be super sexy. A report last year showed that 10% of porn profits for a major porn company come from trans porn!!! That’s a lot of people loving and being turned on by all of what you are.

So, if you find it helpful, I’d suggest you try thinking about your cock not in terms of defining what you’re not, but what you are, which is an amazing and sexy person. You’re a chick with a dick (I know, it’s a porn term but the fact it rhymes is too awesome) and that’s so fucking hot! 

Just as you’ve been able to embrace the concept of being BNIB, it might just be possible to learn to love your girlcock/boiclit, and so not have to struggle with being disgusted by any part of yourself, because that’s not how we want to have to live, is it. If you look up small penises and big clits, honestly… you see how similar it all is! All that happened was in the womb, your brain took one direction while your body took the other. The result is still uniquely YOU, and all of you is deserving to be loved, not just by other people, but by you first and foremost.

I hope you’ve seen Denial Academy had it’s first trans student recently:

Kitty’s First Day starring the amazing Kitty Lynn

On a practical note, have you tried a large butt plug with a strong vibe like a Hitachi Wand against it? That’s a very effective way to cum from anal in my experience. Not that I’m encouraging you to cum, I love your BNIB status, but it might let you get ruined occasionally, just to add to the frustration. 

I hope all that helps. I know it’s a complex and difficult subject, but just look how things are changing in terms of awareness and acceptance in the media on virtually a monthly basis and be encouraged.

Like all of us, you are unique and amazing, and you, all of you, is worthy of love, just the way you are. And anyone who thinks differently, can go fuck themselves. 😉

I just replied to this message on the Brand New in Box blog but thought it might be useful reading for some of my followers here too.

Please sir, I have listened to Cals Curse about 6 times throughout the day yesterday and have edged at least 20 times. I am desperate to have an orgasm. May I please have your permission to cum? Is there anything I can do to earn your permission to cum today? P.S. Your blog is so hot!

Send a text to a friend saying, ‘OMG I’m so horny, please can I cum?!!!’.

Five minutes later, no sooner, send a horrified text apologising you sent it to the wrong person.

If they have replied before the five minutes are up, saying ‘Yes you can cum’ then you’re allowed.

Otherwise you have to send us the conversation to enjoy and you remain denied.

Good girl

I’ve never been able to cum before 😫 help me!

I assume you don’t want help actually cumming, as there’s advice on that everywhere, and, well you wouldn’t write to an orgasm denial blog for advice on that, right? That would be, really dumb.

No I’ll assume you want encouragement, help, with your situation (that’s what you’re going to get anyway).

Despite what all the magazines and your friends tell you, you need to know, it’s okay that you’ve never cum.

In fact, it makes you very special indeed. Anorgasmia (that’s what it’s called) can be seen as a blessing, not a curse.

You’re what I call a ‘natural’ or the even cuter ‘Brand new in box’. Yes, just like those rare collectables that have never even had their wrapper taken off, you’re a rare and beautiful thing.

That doesn’t mean you should avoid masturbating or stimulating yourself, oh no, quite the opposite. You see, because you can’t cum it means you can do even more of it. And the wonderful thing is you stay incredibly horny and desperate and wet all the time, and there’s no way to relieve that. 

It’s how you’re meant to be.

It means you’ll always want more; more edging, more fucking, your broken little cunt getting filled to the brim again and again with cock and cum and you’ll still be left wanting more.

You’re perfect, just the way you are.

In fact, I’ll let you in on a secret. Lots of the girls who read this blog secretly wish they were like you! In fact they’re masturbating right now thinking what it would be like to never have had cum, to always feel horny and desperate without any chance of relief. The naughty ones might even cum reading this, how ironic!

They might even send you little notes of encouragement when they read this telling you it’s okay and how hot it is to be a BNIB (although the mean ones may tell you how good it feels to cum, don’t listen to them, they’re just jealous).

And if you want help on your journey then there’s one blog, written just for you by a friend of mine. It’s called Brand New in Box and it’s all about the blessing of anorgasmia.

I want you to read it, read it all, again and again, as you rub your broken little clit. It’s okay if you cry, it’ll take time to accept just how special and lucky you really are. Tears make the best lube.

Good girl.

I haven’t come for over two weeks (a record for me) and I honestly feel like I don’t really care anymore. I’m used to coming about 5 days a week but now I just feel nonsexual and neutral even when I touch myself. Is that normal from denial?

Thanks for this ask, it’s a good one. What you haven’t told me is if while you’re not cumming, you ARE still edging?

That’s the difference between denial, and chastity. Denial looks to stop you having the sexual release of orgasm but still keep you horny as ever through edging or other physical and mental stimulation. Chastity is abstinence from cumming or other sexual stimulation (as enforced by a cock cage or chastity belt for example).

While we have a form of chastity we explore in denial, which I tend to call ‘no touch’, this is usually done in strictly limited amounts to prevent exactly what you’re describing.

Because yes, if you abstain from not only cumming, but any kind of sexual stimulation too, for some (not all), your libido will drop as you describe.

The other point I want to make though is that everyone’s experience may vary. It’s quite possible that you are trying edging and without orgasms your sex drive just disappears. That’s okay! It just means denial isn’t for you (it’s super rare in my experience though). Similarly, I know women who can be put in a chastity device and be insanely horny all the time just from the mental stimulation of it all. 

And beyond that, there’s often a pattern to denial that varies from person to person. Some love it for a day or two, but don’t enjoy it beyond that, others love it for a week or more. Some will cream their panties if I say, ‘I might let you cum, for Christmas’. 

Discovering how you respond, to denial duration, edging frequency, no touch, anal only and all the other wonderful variations of orgasm denial is part of the fun and diversity of this wonderful kink.

If I’m able to, I’ll fuck myself all day and cum a few times. I feel like denying myself might be good for learning some self control. Where do I begin?

Stop the fucking.

Stop the cumming.

Start the fucking.

That’s about it.

But seriously, it’s great for self control. Just try not cumming for a day first, see how sexy and energised it makes you feel. If you struggle with slipping over the edge check out ruined orgasms.