So me and my girlfriend (we’re gay) are 20 and 21, and she’s never had an orgasm due to medical conditions. Now she can, but she wants me to deny her until she turns 22 (in December). Is there anything we can do to make it more fun then just edging?
Posted on: February 26, 2016 /
Holy shit I love you two already!
Firstly make her read my caption The Coin as you edge her, it’s a total mindfuck (trust me I know, it’s based on a true story) that fits your situation.
That’ll give her something to think about the ENTIRE time till her birthday.
In terms of getting more interesting than edging, absolutely, there’s lots you can do.
If she’s asking that then there’s usually an implicit (if it’s not already explicit) desire to be submissive to you. And we want to use that to build up more of the colour in the denial.
So firstly, practically there are a few main things to be doing:
- edging by you
- edging herself
- ruined orgasms
- no touch
You want to get a mix of those things going, if you haven’t done ruined orgasms read up from this blog on them, there’s plenty of advice. But a mix of dildo and clit stimulation, deliberately built up and up and then wrenched away just as you take her over the edge, well, it’s brutal and so fucking hot, and she’s be as horny as ever within about 20 minutes.
ALL the girls I train learn to do that pretty early but scoff when I say that before long they’ll beg to even be allowed that. They always do, in fact here’s the point Snowflake got to that in her journal:
“I think that was the first time that I really and truly, with every fiber of my being, wanted to be ruined. I’ve craved ruins before, but not like that. If James had allowed me at least that, I would’ve burst into tears, and maybe even a small victory dance. Any kind of relief would have been magnificent…But, I didn’t get that.
Instead I was stuffed, and left to vibe my clit – something that nearly pushed me over the edge countless times. It was actually a bit scary, as it felt like I was going from a 5 to a 10 in a matter of seconds. I genuinely thought I would slip over. The last time that happened…My pussy was whipped. But now, sitting here, fully clothed, I’m wishing I had slipped over. A ruin would’ve been worth whatever punishment he decided to give out (but I know that no matter how much I say it, I won’t do it, as my orgasms, ruined or not, belong to him”
So yes, play and learn how to ruin her, to make them as bad as possible, and then… don’t let her have those either! Not until they crave it INSTEAD of the orgasm. This is important because you still want them to have something to beg for, and if she isn’t cumming until December you’ve lost that ‘carrot’. That we can make a ruined orgasm a carrot is so fucked up, I love it.
As for the others, making her edge herself is great, that can be when you’re together or apart. If someone has self control then they can take themselves closer to the edge than you can, so it’s a nice contrast. And if you don’t live together it’s good to make her do it every day.
Assuming she is somewhat submissive already (from her request) be aware this will intensify that. Just have fun with it together, talk about it, and ENJOY it, because that’s what she wants more than anything. The most obvious part of this is she should be down between your legs a lot of the time! There’s a sense of your orgasms making up for a lack of hers, truly, she will learn to take pleasure in making you cum in a new way, and you need to give that to her regularly, as well as obviously it feeling amazing. The two most intense ways you ‘share’ your orgasm is firstly her being down between your legs and making you cum with your mouth, and secondly very intensely kissing as she makes you cum with hand toy or strap on. Those create the biggest connection in my experience.
Once she’s got really horny, see how a day of no touch affects her, it’s very different but for some it’s even more intense than being made to edge. Don’t do it for too long, but see how she reacts and it adds nice variation.
Other things that naturally flow from you controlling her orgasm are things like underwear control. You decide what she wears and if she’s allowed at all. Also sending her little instructions of what to do with them, remove, stuff, pull up hard or wear around thighs, are just brilliant easy ways to reinforce her horniness and submission.
Another kink that springs from denial is exploring anal stimulation further. It’s not for everyone, but in some ways it can act as a kind of Denial+ – not even their pussy gets played with, just their ass.
From initially hesitant almost all the girls I train learn to love it, and spend a LOT of time with their asses plugged. Get a nice comfy one, I’ve just added some recommendations on my toy page, do NOT go for pretty, they hurt.
In terms of communication, there’s the tip I regularly give about you learning how to get her really close to the edge by giving you numbers of how near cumming she is. You’ll soon learn how far you can take her. Ruining allows you to take her even further as you ARE planning to go over, but make use of that as you can drive her completely crazy with that new closeness to the edge. And yes, changing your mind when she thinks she’s about to be ruined is brutal and so fucking hot. I hope you like the idea of making her cry with frustration.
Another big tip for any couples is to get a shared secret blog on tumblr which you both regularly post to and look at together. It’s a wonderful way for new kinks and desires to gently emerge for you to talk about and explore.
Lastly, how about you try some denial too. If you haven’t already, agree to try it together for a few days, it’ll bring you closer and you can understand more of what she gets out of it.
I hope that helps, good luck both of you and just hit me with any other questions if you want to, on here or messaging.