Archive for : May, 2015

Hello again. I’ve been having such a great time with the “Card Game”. I love (and hate) the feeling of knowing I can’t go over the edge and can’t edge as much as I want. Unfortunately I didn’t do all the edges I was supposed to do yesterday and only did 7 of the 9. I was wondering if you could give me a punishment. Thank you El

Good girl El, your honesty is admired and sharing most appreciated!

If you’ve failed the cards then I think it’s only appropriate I use them to determine your punishment.

From the part of the pack you’re NOT using for your denial, or a separate pack, you’re to pull ten random cards, face down.

You’re going to get spanked.

The suit determines where:

  • Hearts on your bottom
  • Spades on your pussy
  • Diamonds on your thighs
  • Clubs on your breasts

A number card is how many smacks that place gets. A queen, king or ace means you use an implement like a ruler, cane, spoon, etc to to the smacks instead of your hand.
And jacks? You get to jack off! Instead of smacks, a jack means you must masturbate to the edge instead! Lucky girl.

Work through all ten cards, turning only one over and acting upon it before you turn the next. Do that in one sitting or a few if you need to, and then your punishment is complete.


Femdom’s Chastity Slave – XVIDEOS.COM

Femdom’s Chastity Slave – XVIDEOS.COM


A gentleman can always make a lady cum.

But sometimes, he chooses not to.



I’m sitting on the couch under a blanket, knitting quietly and watching a movie. From the outside I probably look like a Nana.

And yet all I can smell is my wet kitty. I’ve been wet All. Damn. Day. Truthfully I’ve been wet for two weeks now. The same Tumblr post has been circling my brain all day – @yeslillylillylove’s “He thinks I’m prettier when I’m dumb” post.

I miss cumming. It hasn’t even been that long – it’s Sunday night now. I came for 7 straight minutes (a reward for 7 days of denial) Monday night. All day I’ve been fighting waves of lust and need that wash over me, leaving me gripping the counter (because I’m at work, and horny as hell) to try and stop the impending orgasm.

And yet I don’t want to cum. I love what denial and edging does to me. I love feeling awake and alert all day instead of tired and sleepy. Because I feel more alert I screw up less, I work on autopilot less, I’m more aware of the world around me. Sometimes. Usually. Except for the times when I wander around in a subspace bubble, observing but not participating. Those times are fun though, I like the mindfuck feeling of hitting subspace at work.

In short, I love denial. I couldn’t do it permanently, that idea is still too extreme for now. It will be interesting to see how that changes over the months to come, given how quickly I’ve come to love denial itself. But right now I’m having the time of my life.

A lovely description of denial! Thanks Ellie.

What state are you currently living in?



New follower, love the blog. My wife has just started doing this and almost completed a week of edging & denial. What are some of your tips to ensure when I let her cum she has awesome orgasms during our session? Please Help!

Hi, and thanks so much, the blog is pretty new too so it’s great to know it’s helpful! Congratulations on introducing it to your marriage, I’m sure you’ll both reap the benefits.

So, when we think about orgasms after denial there’s a few things to consider…

Firstly you need to think about how you’re going to break the news. This is surprisingly important.

1. Knowing in advance when they can cum
So this works well for women who are new to denial, as they have an idea of how long they have ‘to last’. That makes it easier. 
It also works for others who just get off on having a certain amount of time they have to last. 

It doesn’t have to be time either, it can be diabolically twisted to set a number of edges before orgasm. So then they have to choose between edging lots for a shorter amount of time, and being insanely horny, or spacing it out and having to wait much longer. I love that.

2. Not knowing when
I tend to find that those more experienced with denial prefer to NOT know when they are going to cum, but even have that part of the experience taken out of their control. Personally I like this as it leaves me to use my experience and intuition to figure out when I can make it happen, and more than that, it gives a true sense of HOPE to their begging. Maybe I’ll relent, maybe this will be it. That’s hot.

3. A mix of both
What I tend to do is keep it open ended for most of the time and then make it clear a day or two before I’m going to make them cum so that she will have the excitement of knowing that is coming but not being quite there.

Try all of them and see which works for you guys!

Now we get to the nub of your question which is how to make her cum after denial.

The KEY THING you need to remember, especially after extended denial (which can be anything from a few days upwards) is that the first orgasm MIGHT not be very good. That’s not always true, but the longer the denial, the more likely it is. 

As far as I can see it’s basically because your body is out of practice! You may have edged so many times it’s just got used to that, and an actual orgasm comes as a surprise.

If you’re an evil bastard and like the mind fuck you might only let her cum once, make sure it’s not very good, and then say, ‘looks like your body prefers denial, darling, just edges from now on for you I think’.

However, on the whole the very simple answer is to make her cum lots of times! If the first one wasn’t mind-blowing, the second, third, fourth, all will be.

Don’t fuck around TOO much with holding her back once you’ve let her cum the first time, just enjoy the orgasms together.

The one important thing to make use of when you’re doing that last stimulation (and this applies to ruined orgasms as well as full ones) is that, unlike any other time, you can take her closer and closer to the edge without worrying about going over. So just explore that, making her hold on until she’s completely losing it and then whispering those words, ‘Cum for me now’.

Whatever you do, don’t make her feel bad about cumming if she does slip over the edge when you’re doing that, tell her she can cum and just go with it as though you planned it.

In terms of practicalities, I’m a fan of hands on… When you bring her to orgasm there’s nothing like doing it with your fingers, lying beside her, looking into her eyes, seeing her beg for that last time, kissing, smiling, teasing, knowing it’s going to happen, and then watching her go over the edge. But you can use vibes, you can fuck if that’ll do it, just I like the control on that first one that fingers bring. Then for the follow up orgasms vary it, use toys, fuck, whatever, until she is utterly exhausted and wants to just curl up on you and tell you how much she loves you. Don’t forget to tell her how proud you are of her, how much denying her has excited you, how beautiful she is then and now, she’ll absorb everything you give her and adore it all.

I hope that helps!


I don’t have anyone to deny me, and unfortunately don/t have any toys, nor am I in the position to obtain any, would you mind telling me some tricks that I can do to still have fun? ;)

Hi Anon,

Not having toys isn’t a big problem, you mustn’t let it stop you enjoying playing with denial. In fact there is nothing better for a perfect tease than just using your delicate finger tips to take yourself right to the edge and keep yourself there.

Vibrators can certainly make the process quicker, which if you’re trying to achieve lots of edges is helpful, but I actually find you can get too reliant on them and tend to insist that the first and last edges of the day are just made using fingers anyway. I’ll give you some ideas for DIY sex toys below though!

Just make sure to really tease yourself, vary your fingers between nipples, clit and vagina, spend a lot of the time just teasing your clit, both the tip and sliding your fingers up and down the shaft of it like a mouth sucking on you, and combiine and alternate that with fingering and fucking your pussy.

Rubbing yourself against the edge of your mattress, a folded pillow or other furniture, with panties on, or off, can be super hot too, really feeling like a horny bitch in heat. Some girls only masturbate this way!

Don’t forget DIY toys though, some people prefer them to proper toys (the kink probably even has a name…). 

  • Shower head turned onto jets or vibrate (lots do this by twisting the head), directed onto your clit from afar or close up. Try it on your bottom too!
  • Hairbrushes – handles are the classic dildo replacement but the bristle side slowly drawn over your skin, nipples and mound can be amazing.
  • Ice – dripped or rubbed on your nipples, and then down to your pussy, on your clit, even inside you (always give ice some time to warm up a bit and be melting before you use it on your skin)
  • Fruit and veg… not just good for your health… carrots, courgettes, cucumbers, pick your own size! But best used with a condom over them (you can always reuse that) and wash them well anyway to get all pesticides off them
  • Kitchen utensils – a spatula makes for a nice little spanking tool!
  • Electric toothbrush – this is basically a vibrator, use the BACK of the head normally, or some designs work well without the head on. The brush side is more intense so be careful with that. We don’t want you cumming now, do we…

Here’s a whole article with ideas on the above and more plus safety tips etc –

In terms of not having someone denying you, games of chance are wonderful, I’ll try and add some more in addition to the Deck of Cards one I wrote that you may have seen. I’m also going to try and add some tasks for those without someone denying them, to participate in and enjoy. If you want to be a guinea pig for some of those and try them out, then drop me a private message or email me.

If you could make a post to explain my need for me to be denied that would be soooo useful!! If you could make sure to thoroughly explain that we want to orgasm, but we want to be denied even more, oh god that’d be amazing, cause it’s always frustrating having to explain it and them just going ‘how is that pleasurable?’ ~thanks 😘

Thanks so much for this feedback. I’ll get working on it, something that you can hand to your partner and just say, ‘You need to read this’ and hopefully give them a gentle but solid introduction to the joys of denial, especially from a man’s perspective as the denier, and get them started on taking you down a wonderful journey of denial together.

Anyone else have thoughts on what would be useful?

I wanted to ask because I didn’t know you could ruin an orgasm for a girl, i mean i’ve seen it done to guys. How does one do that exactly to girls?? P.S. Major kudos to your blog. inspired me to do 20 days of denial with my Sir, and he’s enjoying it

What a great question, and thanks so much for the encouragement! 

So, ruined orgasms… they are a really interesting tool in our denial box of tricks. With guys they are very easy to manage, and the results are much more predictable (he starts ejaculating, you stop rubbing, he dies inside…) WIth girls it’s MUCH less predictable. It can sometimes have little effect and be nearly as good as a normal orgasm, other times it can leave you emotionally distraught and in tears, and it can also make you want to kill someone, which is quite amusing. This doesn’t only vary from woman to woman, but from time to time, but I’ll describe how I recommend doing it from a denial perspective, i.e. to not let you stop being horny but to give you just a taste of an orgasm but none of the fulfilment of it. 

How to ruin a woman’s orgasm

Ideally you want to be ruining a vaginal or g-spot orgasm, as it’s a far more impactful, as you’ll see. If you can’t cum that way, don’t worry, but try to combine clitoral stimulation with penetration to give you a similar effect.

The hornier you are, the better, in my experience, so doing this after a period of edging and denial is perfect. A ruined orgasm is all about the mind fuck, and so be prepared for it to hit you quite hard emotionally too.

There’s very much a build up process you can use to ‘practice’ ruining an orgasm, before you actually do it, and this tends to make it work better in a woman when the time actually comes. So masturbate however you enjoy until you’re getting quite close but not in risk of cumming yet. You want to be using a dildo or vibrating dildo inside you, and optionally fingers or a vibe on your clit. Feel free to leave off the clit stimulation if you can, as it can give a very focused experience, and if you find you like it (sick fucker that you are) you can then try it with both, or just try clit alone.

So, once you’re close as described, give yourself ten deep, hard strokes with the dildo and then immediately pull it out and stop rubbing your clit too. Give your brain a minute to process that, and then get back to it, fucking and rubbing, until you’re closer, and repeat that. Ten strokes, and out, no more contact. You may want to drop the toys, and grab the bed sheets, you may want to put your hands above your head, you may want to stick the dildo in your mouth, whatever takes your fancy, just train yourself to stop, dead.

Keep this going, you want four or five ‘practice runs’ before you go for the real thing. And when you feel you’re ready, just keep going, keep fucking, keep rubbing, faster, harder, as you get closer and closer and then go over that glorious edge and then… PULL it out. STOP rubbing. Feel your poor cunt clench on nothing as it spasms in a phantom orgasm and you scream in frustration. Make sure you relish the true agony of all that pleasure being snatched away from you – it’s brutal, make the most of it.

If your fella is doing this to you then he could give you 20 seconds to experience the full horror of the ruined orgasms and then make you suck his cock (be careful, you might want to bite it off) or even fuck you and cum in you while you’re recovering from it (my bio does warn I’m something of a sadist…)

Alternatively, and more likely, you may want to just be cuddled as he tells you it’s okay, and that one day he will let you cum, adding he likes ruining you so much that it may not be for some time though. Feel free to cry.

Multiple ruins…

Oh and at this point I should add, you can chain ruined orgasms together (sometimes in guys too, which is most unusual compared to normal), so that you get a couple of minutes to recover and then start the fucking and rubbing again and ruin it, again, and again, and again. If you can cope with more than four in a row you are seriously fucked up, congratulations.

I might mix them up, so make the first one vaginal only, second one clit only, then a third with both stimulation. Spice of life and all that…

You can ruin a series of orgasms and then finish on a real one, which wipes away a lot of downside of the ruined ones as it ‘flushes’ the system of the stress build up. But you lose the benefit of keeping her horny. But if you’re like me you might promise a full orgasm and then just whisper, ‘actually, ruin it’ right at the end. But then, I’m a bastard.

The aftermath

Be prepared to feel like shit and to want to kill everyone you meet. Your body is flooded with all kinds of hormones and never gets to properly vent them, it’s some seriously crazy shit. But then, if you’re reading this blog, that may well turn you on. It can take up to 24 hours to return back to normal. 

Usually, and this is the key thing for denial addicts, you’ll be just as horny as you were before, within an hour or two. Yep, you’re fucked.

Despite their horror, a well trained denial slut can be taught to crave being ruined over having full orgasms. That’s seriously fucked up and so hot… and can turn denial sessions into seasons by simply ruining again and again instead of giving orgasms. 

Do you ever ever let your Kitten have an orgasm? Or is this a permanent denial thing you guys have going on?

I do, yes, but it’s very rare, as much because that’s how she wants it as my personal preference. 

Ruined orgasms are a nice little compromise which I love to use a little more regularly as they give just a tiny taste of an orgasm but then bring a brutal emptiness that does almost nothing to diminish the desire and need that’s been built up over weeks. 

I’m not a fan of permanent denial, although I do tease it as a fantasy. I love to give orgasms, that’s the twisted part of this, there’s an element of it also being denial for me – so I’d never really want to forever prevent them. 

More importantly, hope is so important to the real mind fuck of this. With permanent denial there’s no room for hope, hope that today might be the day, hope that I might be weak and give in to her desperate begging (I never do but I love them trying).

But it’s about what she needs, not what she wants. And she needs to be denied.