(2/2) Being told “you’re supposed to enjoy this, how can you not know?” and “learn to enjoy it”. That relationship lasted for 3 years and ended badly when things got pushed way too far for my comfort. I wish my parents had been more open about sex, or even just had a 15 minute talk about it. In think your opinions and ways of parenting are amazing and eye opening, really.
Firstly thank you for sharing your experience (and all the other encouraging messages too guys).
I’m not saying talking to your kids about sex isn’t hard, but it’s so necessary. I went to catholic school and my parents said literally nothing to me about sex, ever – I didn’t even know what was happening when puberty hit. So I was absolutely determined to do it differently. And as it happens I have this very unenglish attitude that I’m absolutely shameless talking about sex to anyone so that’s kind of handy.
A big part of the problem nowadays is we’ve often lost the extended family unit. Cool aunts and uncles are great people to have these conversations with (in theory) but we’ve lost that in many cultures and for obvious reasons the roles that have replaced that, coaches, teachers, youth group leaders, etc, aren’t really appropriate to talk to as it may get THEM in trouble. Or more often there’s just no one except your peer group, who struggle with exactly the same questions but one of them happens to be cool enough to sound like they know what they are talking about. They don’t.
What I know from my own experiences teaching and denying women, and all the amazing feedback I get from running this blog, is that you learning how your own body works, discovering how to give yourself pleasure, and exploring the different ways you get turned on, has huge benefits when it comes to both sexual and everyday confidence.
Can I also add I’m always happy to answer any sex ed questions, and I usually prioritise those. But also let me recommend http://sexetc.org/ as a place to find answers. Mine will definitely be kinkier…