Not being allowed to orgasm makes me focus on being a good girl outside of the “sexual dynamics of D/s”. Meaning I can devote my time to tasks and education to help me become a better submissive. Being a submissive is so much more than the sexual aspects, the kinky sex is a bonus in the life of D/s. Keeping orgasms from me leads me to seek praise for non-sexual things that in the long run will make me a better submissive.
Having my right to orgasm revoked takes a lot of pressure off me to “perform”. Being a girl who does not easily cum by herself, it often has felt like a partner is disappointed if I can not cum. Therefor denying me orgasms is helping me. Even when I want them, helping me focus on the journey and not the goal is healthy. I am not “set up to fail”, and that feels devoid of pressure.
When I let someone take control of my orgasms, I can see how much it pleases them to tease and taunt me. It is so nice to be able to give such a gift to someone. My face lights up as their smile widens. My blushing and frustration clearly affecting them in a positive way makes me feel good about myself. I am a girl who speaks a lot and perhaps demands a lot of attention. Being able to give back this one very important and personal thing is a nice balance.
Denial makes me safe. I am a girl who is often horny and often thinks about sex, so a rule that restricts my orgasms has a lot of impact on my life, leading me to think about the structure and care I have been put under. I lets me sink into submission and feel taken care of and safe. It is a simple rule that even the most tired brain can comprehend – “do not orgasm without permission”, thus it’s a beacon of leadership I can easily take comfort in.
5.A BETTER HUMAN
It is selfish in many ways, I know I am giving away a huge part of my personal rights when handing over the right to orgasm. Knowing I am able to do so obediently makes me feel good about myself. I am aware that I am pretty stubborn and good at keeping in line, this kind of rule impresses the world. When I can put weeks or months out there and see how people are impressed, it feels nice. The important ingredient is that I have given it away to someone – not just denying myself. I could deny myself for years if I set my mind to it, that isn’t impressive. So I am grateful that someone wants this for me and cares enough to enforce strict orgasm denial.
I love clear boundaries. I crave having a ultimate stopping point and detailed limitations. Stopping before an orgasm is a very clear boundary. I might sometime want to act out, like we all do in life in various areas – having someone hold the leash and deny me orgasms prevents me from going out of line and possibly regretting it later. It’s not a question of “how well did you write” or “did you take enough pain”. It’s a quantifiable, ridgid rule – you do not orgasm. It has no room for interpretation or feelings. I do not orgasm without permission.
7.TETHER MY SUBMISSION
I do not like to fail, and it hurts me when I can’t be a good submissive for any reason. I am not a patient person and can easily get unfocused if a task is hard. Being a submissive is hard work, and I do not always want to do tedious chores. Having me kept in strict orgasm denial gives at least one opportunity for me to always be submissive and doing it right. It is conflicting feelings inside of me leading me to think how a task might be too elaborate or practically hard. Making me resent the task a bit in some regards. But orgasm denial I can always submit to. It’s a safety net and something to re-calibrate my submission by should I stray.
For me to give up the right to orgasm, even though it’s a core need in me, it’s a physical craving – I need someone intellectually capable of keeping my orgasms away from me. And as a person I need intellectual resistance and growth through communication with other people, as we all do. The satisfaction of being able to hand over the control to someone I perceive as “worthy” brings me feelings of safety, of being seen and understood. It makes me feel accepted when someone is willing to be stricter with me than I am with myself.
9.PSYCHOLOGY AND ACCOUNTABILITY
As a child I had few boundaries and confusing ones at that, my home was not a stable sanctuary. As a grown up I have often doubted my abilities after years of bullying and such. It’s psychology and self image, me learning how to be a human was not under the best of conditions. Strict orgasm denial gives me all of these things I did not get as I grew up. Having someone hold me accountable, unwavering to my pleads to be let off the hook easily is paramount to my sense of safety. I want a reminder that someone is holding the leash, tight. I need accountability to feel valued.
Being kept in denial is fun. It’s challenging to see how far I can be teased and not break the rules. It’s fun to be an embarrassing, dripping, denied mess. It brings laughter and joy to both me and the one in control how easily I slip into a state of rambling depravity when denied orgasms. I love blushing, and there usually is a lot of that. I love being praised, and there’s hopefully a good amount of that too. But if I were to get an orgasm often it would take away value from all the fun and entertainment. Having to start over again in a sense. I am nerdy in many ways, and statistics are fun – where’s the fun in a statistic that say “20 days” – it’s much more impressive with one that starts with months.
Collecting data as we go along, letting the numbers grow and make me feel happy I have held out, making me grateful I was denied when I was wavering.
itsnotstrangeatall – April 2018.
What a fascinating list, thank you!